Me: “I have something to tell you.”
Friend: “You’re pregnant.”
Me: “No, I was going to tell you I’m finally starting a blog.”
Apparently, my ticking timebomb, aka baby maker hasn’t only been on my newlywed mind.
I want to preface this post with the fact that I LOVE kids. In fact, I was a nannie for a family of 3 children for nearly 6 years. I loved them and played with them like my own. My friends, the loves of my life, nearly all have kids. I love being an Auntie to them all and couldn’t be happier for them.
But, am I ready? Will I ever be ready? I take an hour to order a burrito, reinforcing all the things I really don’t want. Then again, I’ve been told you’re never ready. Never stable enough financially or 100% emotionally ready.
As enticing as voluntarily accepting more insecurities into my life seems, should I feel somewhere deep down I will want, at some point, children? Or will my 30th come and I’ll feel the same way I do now — impartial.
I recently read an article that talked about a woman’s biological clock. It said, “Until the age of 25 lifestyle factors such as smoking or alcohol have little effect on a woman’s fertility.”
Great, Mother Nature. So what you’re saying is that while I was young, stupid and completely immature that would have been the “safest” time to bring a life into this world? Sorry, but I was acting like an idiot until about three years ago. A kid, pushing a stroller, brushing off last night’s hangover isn’t the perfect mother I imagine now. But, if I wait until I’m eating meals from a stove and not a drive-thru, my fertility rate drops immensely and I will have to give up wine? Being a woman really blows sometimes. We literally carry all of the responsibility.
Right now, my husband and I love being selfish. Love being able to be adventurous. Love being free and alone. I am not closing the possibility of a child, but I am not ready now. So, sorry. You can quit giving me those disappointed looks when I tell you now. And asking “Ever? Never?” isn’t helping.
When it happens, if it happens, it will be right.